RLSH Costumes and You: Part 2.

Okay so we talked about the terrible sense of fashion these "Heroes" have, no homo. However lets talk about the unoriginality they have shall we?

When you look at some of these fools you'll notice they believe all the hype about modern age comics. (Or as I call them "The Dark Age") you know, the rise of the dark take no prisoners Batman, Rorshach, The Question, Spawn.

Some of them think that they want to strike fear into the hearts of the homeless people they help, I mean obviously thats not the idea, because that would be stupid, but that's all they do (Other than circle jerk each other on their forums) and they're wearing stuff like this?

Or like this?

No imagination, Where's the flare? Afraid you'll get beat up looking like Spiderman? Sorry but you're already going to get beat up going out the way you're looking, if not by my henchmen but by some gang member on the streets.

What are you trying to portray here? I mean atleast SUPERHERO (yes that is a RLSH) actually looks like a Superhero. You guys just look like you came back from Paintball. Ooo you're wearing all black and have masks you bought from Wal-Mart, you guys are EDGY.

Atleast the people I mentioned before put thought into their costume (well, except for that Hipster LIFE), you guys are just asking for trouble.

I can't really say much else about these guys, I could go into detail about some of these self-righteous, holier-than-thou douch-nozzles, but this isn't the time for that, yet.

TL;DR Your Gear is shit, Cut it out.

Real Life Superheroes Costumes and you.

One of the first things I noticed about these sub-humans was, not only are they goody goodies out looking for trouble and about two words and one step away from a stab wound or two but they also have a terrible sense of fashion (no homo)

 

Lets have a look at some of these folks shall we?

Damn, you can use your lasso of truth on me any time.

What do most of these people do? Well they do hand-outs and give food and clothing to bums and seek to fight injustice in their neighborhood by telling loiterers to 'Stay warm'. Nyx, the saucy little minx in the red bra, mesh shirt and goth get-up hands out clothing to homeless people on her 'Patrols' - I think you should worry about getting clothes for yourself before handing them out, seriously, cover up. 

Some of these other guys I'd sooner think were working for the legion of doom as opposed to the RLSH, think you have enough 'Dark Knights'? What's with some of you chuds and the whole 'I'm batman' routine, if I was a homeless person I'd  think you were a bunch of thugs as opposed to vigilantes.

The rest have the super-hero motif down atleast, cape and tights galore, problem is, it looks silly! and not 'Oh its silly ironically' no its fucking silly. Just because Ol'Supes and Captain America look good in tights, doesn't mean you guys do, What looks good in comics doesn't translate well to the real life I'm afraid.

Lets not even mention this dude, a fedora, a kaedo mask, and a sweater vest... JUSTICE HIPSTER! HE WAS BRINGING JUSTICE BEFORE IT WAS COOL! He's actually got a real hipster name too, its just Life... Ooo Deep... deep as a puddle on the side of the road. I think you and Mick Foley should get together to come up with better super hero names.

BRITAIN'S youngest real-life superheroes have joined forces to fight street crime.

Accountant-man

"Masked crusaders Night Warrior and The Man In Black, both 18, teamed up like Batman and Robin.
They have already hunted down a suspected drugs gang and tipped off cops about their den in North London.

Hat-wearing The Man In Black said he has been in a few scrapes tackling crime - and was cut on the hand by one thug. But he only uses an UMBRELLA for protection.
He revealed his identity as unemployed Joseph Falica, of Harrow, who started patrols two years ago. He said: "I'm willing to risk my life."

Spandex-clad Night Warrior, who has joined him on patrol in London, is from Salford, Gtr Manchester. He said: "I'm saving up for a bullet-proof vest."
Last week The Sun told of at least 16 other real-life superheroes on Britain's streets."

Sweet freakin' Jesus, MORE OF THEM?! And how young are they? 18? My word, when I was your guys age I was out having, what's it called.. FUN I was worrying about whether or not I would have enough beer for the weekend, or whether or not my dad would me borrow the car for the night. You guys are patrolling? with FUCKING UMBRELLAS AS YOUR DEFENSIVE WEAPONS! Excuse my french, but are you ILL?!

Weasel, side kick of accountant man

I won't even mention how lame these guys both look, no originality in either of them, one just looks like he's going to work at an office, and the other looks like a rejected 90's marvel superhero. Accountant man over there even revealed his secret identity, who wants to place bets on whether or not those gang-bangers they helped put away find him. I don't know if I feel more insulted that you guys are considered Heroes, or that the UK SUN compared you to Batman and Robin...

I mean are you joking?! UMBRELLAS?! I can't get over that, these thugs have GUNS and KNIVES, you're about to fend off, not only my henchmen, which are heavy armed and trained to stave off Umbrella attacks, but also Drug dealers who are probably just as heavily armed.

Do yourselves a favor, QUIT  while you're ahead, as much as I'd love to read more about you in the papers, I have a what you naive heroes call a heart, and I'd hate to see two 18 year olds gunned down because people like Pheonix Jones and the rest of the RLSH make it look "Fun"

PS: Kudos to Jebediah, as much as I'm against the whole posting of patrol logs, You really made a difference that day, complimentary fruit and small explosives basket is on its way.

Just to clarify.

I'm not some rage filled villain, I have some class and intelligence.

With that, I should point out I have a certain amount of respect for the RCSM.

I have no respect for anyone affiliated with the RLSH group however.

Come on, you don't need a mask to hand out food, you attention-whores.

Drama that reads like Highschool all over again.

Well, even before I started this, and even before I heard of it, There has always been infighting and drama within the RLSH world.

Most recently between it (RLSH) and the Rain City Superhero Movement. I'm led to believe that everything is hunky dory right now according to Knight Owl's rebuttal to the Wall Street Journals article on the 'Civil War'

Civil War? Don't make me laugh, You capes are to goody goody to even think about actually fighting each other, On the internet you may seem tough, but I'd bet real money you'd rather just sit on your forum circle jerk and talk about how you handed out a blanket to some bum, while other 'heroes' pat you on the back, instead of starting a real war.

So I guess it really burns your asses when people like Phoenix Jones and the RCSM go out and do some real crime fighting and gets all the attention, while you all play 'Super-humanitarian' and are labeled as petty whiners in the news. It would explain why most of you come off as Elitist punks when someone who just wants to be Bat Man comes on your forum looking for info and support.

I really look forward to reading some more of the Drama, It makes my job a lot easier, and just remember. If it weren't for all of you, none of us would be here, remember that.

NEWS FLASH BLUE SPARROW LOVES TO BATHE NAKED IN CARAMEL

So out of boredom I was thinking of coming up with some fake rumors to muddy Blue Sparrow's good name.

How does "BLUE SPARROW LOVES TO LICK BUS STOP BENCHES" sound?

or even "IS YOUR CHILD SAFE FROM THE WAY TIGHTER THAN SOCIALLY NECESSARY HUGS OF THE BLUE SPARROW?"

The boys in the slander department are working hard, but we'll get something that really hits home I'm sure of it.

The man behind the death of the man of steel

I don't normally get out to enjoy the finer civilian things in life, my kind of a Saturday night is sitting back with a cup of tea, Catcher and the rye, and a hand gun (just in case), but today I got out to enjoy a comic store I frequent by the name of Unreal City. It was their second anniversary and a local cafe was hosting its party. So I decided to bless their life with my presence.

However I was not the only Star super villain there, No no! For  you comic book nerds out there, I got to shake hands and have a nice conversation with one of the worlds most famous villains... Yes, Tom Grummet, one of the architects behind the Death of Superman.

My first question was how did you do it? He babbled about wanting to do something shocking to the comic universe, I kind of tuned him out and added in that he built his own death ray.

Note to self: Steal Tom Grummet's plans for his death ray...

Anyway, not much else to report so I will call this meeting adjourned.

P.S. - Blue Sparrow sucks.. (and swallows) [/maniacal laugh]